Crisis on Infinite Mirths
by Rabid Wookiee Y
Summary: The super crossover battle of the century! All of the characters band together as never before against an old foe...
1. Loomings and Doomings

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Matt & Mike Chapman created these universes (and would have made a funny cameo if it weren't for the real-person rule). And I think both DC Comics and Marvel Comics share the blame... er, credit, for inventing this whole cataclysmic crossover thing.

**CRISIS ON INFINITE MIRTHS **

**Chapter One: Loomings and Doomings**

_The time draws nigh; the Great Schism has already begun, though there are none who are aware. Many worlds – some resting in the present, some lost in the past or rushing through the future, some real, some fantastical, some surreal – will shatter as mirrors. And one world will become another, the boundaries blending until indistinguishable, until all exist in one world. And in this world they will face their trials; by fire, by steel, by war, by nature, by artificiality. They will fight, for they will have no choice; and to fight will be to ensure death, sparing no one. And all of this will be the work of one, who plots revenge on another. But if those who are pure of spirit and tempered of will are willing to find the Bearer of Order, all will be restored, and what will happen will have never been. And the least likely of creatures will hold the key to the future..._

"HOMESTAR!" Bubs' raspy voice shook Homestar back into reality.

"Oh! Whoa. Wight. Uh, what happened?" Homestar stammered, trying to figure out what had happened. He now knew that he was standing in front of Bubs' Concession Stand, but what had he just been doing? He vaguely recalled a sense of being removed from his body, somehow, and a strange voice, speaking of things he sure as heck didn't understand...

"Like I said the last twenty times, that'll be $4.50." Bubs explained, crossly, a melting Chocomint Pop in his hand.

"Yeah, man." Came another raspy voice, this one from behind him. Homestar dazedly turned around, right into Strong Bad's petulant mask. "Grab your glove and get into the freakin' game, man! I've got better things to do than stand behind your daydreaming butt all day!"

"As do I!" Huffed the King of Town, standing behind Strong Bad. "I'm wasting away to normal back here! If I do not receive my Mayo Dog within two minutes, there will be trouble!"

"Kingy, nobody's impressed." Strong Bad accused. "You're just pretending to be mad so people will associate you with me, and therefore imbue you with a small fraction of my coolness."

"I'll have you know... well, you're right, I suppose." The King sighed, his affected anger melting back into that dithering, schlubby persona we all know and mock. "I'm still a poser. How do you do it?"

"Lessons are $50 if you're interested." Strong Bad declared, even as Homestar fished money out of wherever he keeps it on that jersey of his and exchanged it for his half-melted snack.

"Best cowwespondence course I ever took." Homestar added, Strong Bad shoving him out of the way the exact instant the purchase was complete. "I got an automatic C for immediate payment!" But by now nobody was listening. Strong Bad was negotiating the price of a slightly damaged Raisin Crust with Bubs, and the King was still standing around mourning the emptiness of his mouth. Shrugging, Homestar left the Concession Stand behind and retreated to the place where he went to do his deep thinking. Well, knee-level thinking. For Homestar that's pretty darn deep.

Chewing idly on his confection, the cool grass beneath him and the warm sun above him, Homestar's scattered thoughts returned to that... whatever it was that happened to him. One minute he was standing in front of Bubs like normal, and before he knew anything different, he was suddenly somewhere else, even though he obviously had never left, judging by what the others had said. So what had happened? It was like a dream, and yet so real at the same time. And, Homestar told himself, it couldn't have been a dream because he was clothed at the time. And what was that voice talking about? She had sounded like that voice on the phone that tells him that the number does not exist when he dials 1-800-IFORGOTMARZIPANSNUMBER. Talking about the end of the world? Shattered dimensions? Death by combat? It was heady, and it was much too much for a simple creature like Homestar to think about. So he thought about clouds instead. How come they never fell from the sky? Did they have jet engines hidden in there somewhere?

"What are you doin' here, man?" Once again Homestar was stirred from his reverie. He looked up and saw Strong Bad looking down at him, gnawing petulantly on his Raisin Crust.

"Oh, hi Stwong Bad." Homestar said with a smile. "This is where I go when I need to be by myself. What are you doing here?"

"Well, I kinda live here." Strong Bad pointed out.

Homestar looked up and saw that he was sitting in Strong Bad's front lawn. "Has that house always been there?" He asked, curiously.

Strong Bad shook his head. "So what was with you back at the stand there?" he asked, more pressing concerns on his mind. "I mean, you've always been kind of outta it, but back there you were totally gone, man. What's the deal?"

"Well, it was kinda weird." Homestar responded, a faraway look in his eyes. "It was like somebody had taken me somewhere to tell me something. I couldn't see anything, and I heard this weally stwange voice..."

"Yeeeeeah." Strong Bad muttered, sceptically. "What was this alleged voice saying, anyway?"

"Oh, you know." Homestar shrugged. "The usual. The world blowing up, all of us dying, stuff like that."

"Homestar, sometimes I think that hat of yours in on too tight." Strong Bad snorted, walking towards the door. "You'd better get off my lawn." He added. "I don't want the herbicide getting you." The door slammed behind him with finality.

Homestar slowly rose to his feet and slowly wandered aimlessly, stopping only when he nearly tripped over the Stick. He looked around. The sun was bright, the grass was green, some type of bird was singing, and the Poopsmith wasn't downwind. Nothing seemed wrong. Plus, this was Free Country, after all. Nothing dangerous happened here. Well, except for that time Bubs had purchased contraband surface-to-air missiles for the Fourth of July celebration, but once the fallout cleared everybody had a good laugh about it. It was more or less a perfect place. What could ever happen?

"I weally hope that last thought doesn't come back to haunt me." Homestar commented to himself.

--

"Bwa ha ha ha!" The Strong Bad cackled as he tightened the ropes around Marzipan's quivering form, foreboding piano music in the background informing the audience that this was not a particularly good thing.

"You've tied me to the railroad tracks!" Marzipan protested, just in case the ropes and knots and railroad tracks and the general cliché weren't painfully obvious to the audience.

"That's right, my dear!" The Strong Bad gloated, twirling his immaculate moustache with diabolical flair. "And unless your precious Homestar Runner pays me 100 dollars in unmarked Confederate notes, you will remain tied to the railroad tracks forever! Bwa ha ha ha! What do you think of that, The Sneak?" he asked, turning to his scruffy rodent companion, who merely snuffled and scratched some fleas.

WHOO WHOO! The train's whistle sounded as its black-belching smokestack became visible over the horizon. "Oh no!" Marzipan cried. "I'm going to get hit by a train!" The honky-tonk music rapidly grew in tempo as the train bore ever closer. But fear not, ladies and gentlemen. The cavalry was on the way. Such as it was.

"These must be the railroad tracks." An uncommonly observant Homestar Runner mumbled as he walked unhurriedly along the tracks, the ever-loyal Fat Dudley following behind. The Homestar Runner walked a few more steps before stopping. "Well, they're not here. We should go home now." He muttered.

"Bub bubub bub bub bubub." Fat Dudley scatted, gesturing. Homestar turned and saw that Marzipan was tied to the tracks literally three feet ahead of them.

"Marzipan!" Homestar 'exclaimed', sounding like he was prepared to fall asleep at a moment's notice.

"Help meeee!" Marzipan screamed like some wussy damsel in distress.

"Bwa ha ha ha!" The Strong Bad cackled. "So, you've arrived at last! Have you brought the ransom money?"

"Not really." Homestar mumbled.

"Then you will watch her get rubbed out! Bwa ha ha ha!" The Strong Bad laughed. By now the train was very close indeed.

"Do something!" Marzipan whined, not being very helpful. Homestar was lost for a moment, but fortunately Fat Dudley had conceived an elaborate rescue mission.

"Bub bub bubub bubub bub." Fat Dudley bubbed.

"Cut the ropes?" Homestar asked, sounding like he couldn't care less. "Fat Dudley, that might be crazy enough to work." Homestar put this plan into action, although the fact that he didn't have anything to cut the ropes with rather hindered his effectiveness.

The Strong Bad laughed triumphantly. Marzipan was still tied fast, Homestar was totally lost, and Fat Dudley couldn't do anything because there wasn't room enough for him in the frame. Victory was at hand.

CRASH! All heads turned, some faster than others, at the sound. The train had stopped, though not by choice. Some idiot Goblin had driven his Gremlin onto the tracks and caused a crash. The conductor was gesturing furiously at the driver, who was merely doing a jig on the hood of his wrecked vehicle. Nobody seemed to notice that the Goblin was very green, instead of very grey like everything else. By this point, Fat Dudley was finally, finally able to intervene and pull Marzipan from the tracks.

"Curses, blast and degradation!" The Strong Bad swore. "Once again my impeccable cunning schemes are dashed by the cruel hand of fate! This is all your fault, The Sneak!"

The Sneak wiggled his nose.

"Do not use seafarer's language with me!" The Strong Bad roared. "Mind your manners, you insolent vermin!"

"Well, everybody, there's only one thing left to do now." The Homestar Runner drawled. "I'm gonna do a dance." He trotted about for a moment to a jolly tune, until something unspeakable occurred; the dance was interrupted. Namely by a mop hitting Homestar in the face with a wet splat.

All turned once again as yet another oddly coloured character stormed onto the screen. He was a large, muscular man, a messy beard covering his face and only a loincheesecloth covering anything else. "Oooooooh." Marzipan moaned as she fainted into Fat Dudley's arms.

Homestar was singularly unfazed, as usual. "What's your name, stranger?" he mumbled.

"I am..." the man paused for dramatic effect. "Thy Dungeonman. I was cleaning yon animal offal in my dungeon when I suddenly ended up in this strange place. I demand to know who has brought me here!"

"I would not bring your slovenly self anywhere, you hirsute cur!" The Strong Bad growled. "Now take your leave or I will force myself to set The Sneak upon you!"

Thy Dungeonman looked down at the small creature. "Percy!" he cried, his mouth frothing with righteous indignation. And spit. "I shouldst have known thou wert behind this! Prepare to meet thine mop-headed demise!"

The Sneak bristled his back and hissed, and the fight was on, the Strong Bad shouting some melodramatic tripe in The Sneak's encouragement. Watching all of this, the Homestar Runner could make but one comment: "Does this mean I can't do a dance?"

--

What's Her Face awkwardly brushed her hair away from her face. In tense moments, she had formed the habit of hiding her face behind her hair. It was a habit she was determined to break, as each strand constituted a full 12 percent of her hairstyle, and they needed to count. Her composition regained, she once again lowered her face to the small figure who was standing before her. Rehearsing in her head one final time, she lowered the boom. "Thomas, our relationship is... weird. Almost weirder than weird."

Okay, so What's Her Face wasn't a gifted speaker. It's not like she was alone in that respect. Thomas responded, not with words, but by spraying her full in the face with a nearby "Firex 'Tinguisher". LACQUER'D!

What's Her Face rubbed her eyes and sighed as the little extraterrestrial scampered off. It was the most affectionate thing Thomas had done to her all month, but still something was missing. "My eyes feel like poison ivy." She sighed to herself.

Had her eyes not felt like poison ivy, she likely would have noticed Cheerleader bolting through the halls at Mach 2, sending What's Her Face headfirst into the lockers. MASH! Cheerleader screeched to a halt and looked at the girl she had sent sprawling. "Oh, it's one of my friends, I think."

"Why do you run so hard?" What's Her Face asked, dislodging herself from the wall.

"Ooooh, I'm so psyched out!" Cheerleader squealed. "There's some olda boys down the hallway. They play music in a rockish band!"

"I'm going to make out with all of them!" The Ugly One squawked, rounding the bend.

"I'm going to make out with... more of them!" Cheerleader countered.

"Oooh! Maybe they'll think I'm hot!" So-and-So gushed as she joined the group.

"Maybe they'll think you're... Elsie." Cheerleader sneered.

"NO!!! I don't want to be Elsie!" So-and-So sobbed.

"C'mon girls. Let's go make them love us!" Cheerleader cheered.

"SO GOOD!!!" So-and-So and The Ugly One chorused. The three girls ran off, giggling. What's Her Face got to her feet and watched them go. Following them when they were like this often got her terribly injured, and she knew it. But... it would at least get her mind off of Thomas. She shuffled after the others wearily.

Meanwhile, four men stood in the hallway, looking dazed. They definitely did not belong here, as they were full colour people, rather than crude stick figures. Also, they dressed like 80's garage rockers, complete with leather, blue jeans and hideous blonde hair.

"Man, I don't know what was in those bran muffins, but I'm totally hazing here." Gary, the lead guitarist, commented. "Does this place look like... lined paper to you guys?"

"Lined paper, sandpaper, flypaper..." Marry, the bassist slurred. "It all looks the same to me by now."

"No, dudes. It can't be paper." Noted Perry, the drummer. "None of us have cut ourselves, right?" There was a general murmur of agreement at this point.

"DON'T LOOK NOW, GUYS!!!" Larry, the diminutive frontman yelled. "BUT HERE COME SOME LADIEEEEEEEEES!"

Four stick-figurey girls were racing towards them. "Man, our groupies are getting homelier every year." Perry sighed.

"Well, dudes, we'll have to face facts." Gary noted. "Times change, you know? It's not '87 anymore."

"It isn't?" Marry asked. "When did that happen?"

"Oh, come on, Marry." Gary scoffed. "It's gotta be at least... uh, fifty days in September... '92 by now. Maybe '93."

"Don't you think we might have hit 2000 yet?" Perry asked.

"Are you joking, dude?" Gary asked. "Do you see any flying cars around here?"

By now the girls had reached the band. Despite their enthusiasm, they suddenly skidded to a halt in front of them. "Hi." Cheerleader giggled. "We're at least as old as you!" the girls exploded into a flurry of nervous giggles at their subterfuge.

"HELLO LADIES!!!" Larry howled. "WE ARE LIMOZEEEEEEEEN! ROCKIN' IT LIKE YOU'VE NEVER SEEEEEEEEN!!!"

"Uh, Larry, you don't need to use that concert voice all the time." Gary piped up. "And you don't need to say everything into that microphone."

"I DON'T HAVE A CLUE WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!!!" Larry screamed.

"Ooh, they say they're a Limozeen!" So-and-So cooed. "That's so cool I don't even know what it means!"

"I'm gonna go for it!" The Ugly One exclaimed, walking towards the band. Proving that her taste is as bad as her looks, she approached Marry. "Ooh! Your axe looks just like a guitar!" She said, reaching for it.

"Uh, I wouldn't do that if I were you." Marry cautioned. "This thing's still..."

ZORCH! Several dozen bolts of electricity tore through The Ugly One's body, leaving her with the colour and consistency of charcoal.

"...wired." Marry finished.

"I smell like Leslie Harvey." The smoking mess that once was The Ugly One moaned.

"If you'll be my fifth or sixth boyfriend, I'll let you play music at our prom-like dance-ish event thing." Cheerleader tempted Larry.

"I'M NOT SURE!" Larry replied, the force of his voice blowing Cheerleader into the wall. "I MIGHT HAVE TO TALK IT OVER WITH THE BAND!!! WE MIGHT HAVE TO TAKE A RAIN CHECK!!!"

"So, who does your hair?" So-And-So asked Perry. "It's so... tawny."

"I can't remember, man." Perry shrugged. "I did it once and it's just stayed this way ever since."

What's Her Face hung back from the discussion, near the lockers. She figured that there would be no harm in just watching the events play out from a safe distance.

KA-LANG! Her optimism was justly rewarded when the locker next to her swung open violently, smashing her into the wall. From said locker emerged a frightening humanized marshmallow, his head bitten open on one side. "Word up, morons!" it proclaimed. "I'm Marshie! Take the M and the arshie and put them together, and you've got fun, because you've got me!!!"

"What is that?" So-and-So asked.

"Maybe it's some form of... gym teacher." Cheerleader suggested.

"BACK OFF, TIN CAN MAN!!!" Larry yelled. "I'M ON CENTER STAGE!!!"

"Hey, guys!" Marshie replied. "Watch as I eviscerate this lady-man! There's no stopping me!"

"I'm just lying here until the man says it's over." What's Her Face groaned, just before the lockers fell on her.

--

Home Starboy was running so fast that the background was a blurred set of rainbow colours with weird horizontal lines streaking through them as hideous synthesized music warbled in the background. In anime terms, that means that this is supposed to be exciting. Finally, after running what must have been several light years, Starboy found what he was searching for: that blue-haired super-champion of just about everything, StinkoMan.

"Hey StinkoMan!" Home Starboy yelled, screeching to a halt just behind 'The Guy'. "We need your great strength and some of your powers! There is a great lot of trouble in the place that I just came from!" There was no response. "StinkoMan?" Home Starboy asked, walking around to the front.

StinkoMan was, for reasons unknown, sleeping in a standing position. A large bubble was sticking out of his nose, and it inflated and deflated as he snored. Upon seeing this, Home Starboy fell over for some reason. Recovering quickly, he pulled out a comically large mallet and clobbered StinkoMan comically hard across the blue-topped skull. The bubble burst. StinkoMan's eyes snapped open as large as saucers.

"TERIYAAAAAAAAAAH!" StinkoMan screamed as he reflexively released a ki-chi attack, sending Home Starboy crashing against a tree in a smouldering heap, loose cherry blossoms fluttering prettily around him. Without missing a beat, StinkoMan was in his protégé's face. "Do not EVER do such a thing as that AGAIN!" he screamed, fire flaming from his ears and his head inflating to twice its size. "Why do you go around head-hitting those who feel asleep?"

"OH!!!" Home Starboy said, tears streaking down his face. He then recovered as though nothing had happened. "Strange guys have been seen around places around here! We want you to investigate!"

"Investigate! Kyaaaah!" StinkoMan scoffed. "Investigating is for those who are investigators! Only call on me for such matters as challenges and fighting! And maybe fighting challenges!"

"So will you do it?" Home Starboy asked, totally oblivious to Stinko Man's earlier statement.

"Humph! Okay." Stinko Man conceded. "But there had better be some fighting involved. Or even just a challenge. RUNNING ON THE ROAD GO!!!" StinkoMan took off like a blue-haired bullet, Home Starboy following close behind. There was a five minute montage of them running, what with the streaking backgrounds, the horrible music, blah blah blah. Finally they reached the city, where StinkoMan's pet, the adorable CheatCheat, was hiding in some bushes.

"We have come here!" StinkoMan shouted as he screeched to a halt. "We... KYAAAAAH! CheatCheat!" he yelled, dancing in glee. "Just looking at you makes me happy on the inside!"

"Cheat! Cheatcheat!" CheatCheat yelled, slapping StinkoMan across the face with a paper fan, making him cry. "Cheatcheat cheat!" he added, gesturing to the other side of the bushes.

"Huh? Strange things? Why did you not say so?" StinkoMan asked, peering through the bushes. He gasped as he saw a variety of fluffy yellow things in a variety of military costumes. "Hum! Are those not relatives of yours, CheatCheat?"

"WAAAAH! They are the so ka-wa-ii!" Home Starboy squealed.

"Cheatcheat!" CheatCheat squeaked, his mouth totally out of sync with his words for some reason.

Meanwhile, the intruders were having a discussion of their own that was slightly more intelligent. But only just.

"Come on, men!" Gunhaver rallied the troops. "We have to keep going!"

"Ahem!" snorted Foxface.

"Oh, sorry, Foxface." Gunhaver apologized. "You don't have to come if you don't want to." Foxface would explain the reason why she ahemed, but she had used up her one allotted per episode.

"'Ow much longer, commander?" Fightgar whined. "Oi 'aven't fired me gun in the past foive minutes!"

"Steady on, Fightgar!" Gunhaver John Wayned. "We have to locate and disable that frog! Since it's so evil, it must be affiliated with Blue Laser!"

"Yeah, you'd think so." Silent Rip piped up. "But maybe since we ended up in a different world, there are different bad guys here. Isn't that a possibility?"

"Don't be so naïve, Silent Rip." Gunhaver scoffed. "Everybody knows that all the bad guys are on the same side. Otherwise, they wouldn't be bad guys, right?"

"Uh, right." Silent Rip sighed, scratching his helmet.

"You picking up anything, Crackotage?" Gunhaver asked.

"Am I suppose ta be pickin' sumfin' up, sir?" Crackotage asked in that bizarre Jamaican accent of his.

"No, just wondering." Gunhaver dismissed. "How about you, Firebert?" Firebert made a vague waving motion. "Oh, right." Gunhaver added. "Sorry. I forgot you can't talk."

"Uh, guys?" Reynold asked.

"What are you whining about now?" Gunhaver demanded.

"Oh, nothing." Reynold mumbled. "I just saw a bunch of guys standing in front of us, that's all."

"A bunch of guys!" Fightgar laughed. "That's a good one, bucko!" Then all the Cheat Commandos turned and saw StinkoMan, Home Starboy and CheatCheat standing in front of them.

"Guys, I'm pickin' up a bunch o' guys." Crackotage noted.

"Do y' want me to shoot 'em one at a time or all together?" Fightgar asked, priming his weapon.

"Just one moment." Gunhaver interrupted. "We'll use standard commando protocol. We have to do something nice at least once per episode."

"But I wanna shoot 'em!" Fightgar bawled.

"Just hold on. I'll find out their motives. If that guy's hair is any indication, they might be Blue Laser agents. But we'll find out before we take them out." Gunhaver insisted.

"So many yellow things!" StinkoMan yelled. "WHAT are you DOING here?"

"They talk like foreigners!" Fightgar screamed. "Kill 'em!"

"I'm no expert but are you ASKING FOR A CHALLENGE?!" StinkoMan roared. He shot forward at the speed of light, ready to punch Fightgar's lights out, but his blow was blocked by a commando decked out in red, only his glaring eyes visible.

"Whaaaa?" StinkoMan gasped. "Pyjama man! What are you supposed to be like? Some sort of ninja?"

"Of course I'm a ninja." Ripberger whispered in a deep, mystical voice. "Can't you tell by my vaguely Chinese accent?"

"But ninjas don't come from China..." Reynold mumbled to himself.

"PREPARE YOURSELF, REDFACE!" StinkoMan yelled, shooting high into the air, ready to unleash a Double Deuce attack. Home Starboy had a nosebleed in anticipation.

Ripberger acted quickly, pulling out a throwing star and flinging it in StinkoMan's direction. It missed by a country mile. "Oops." However, it struck a nearby tree and caused a comically large branch to fall and land comically hard on StinkoMan's head, knocking him back to Earth. "Uh... I meant to do that." Ripberger muttered.

"BARF!" StinkoMan yelled. "You guys fight so hard! I guess you had honour or something."

"Nice work, Ripberger." Gunhaver applauded.

"He's alright." Ripberger added. "He's not with Blue Laser."

"He isn't?" Silent Rip asked. "How can you tell?"

"He's not wearing a visor." Ripberger pointed out.

"Ohhhhhhh." All of the commandos said in unison.

Ripberger stepped forward, his hand extended. "Okay, I guess I'll take a shake of your hand." StinkoMan conceded, shaking with Ripberger.

"Oh, boy of joy!" Home Starboy cheered. "We are all now super friends!"

"I am StinkoMan." StinkoMan explained. "I am more or less the running of the things in parts around here. What brings you to this place?"

"Sorry." Gunhaver said, firmly. "That's strictly confidential. On a need-to-know basis."

"Well, I would need to know." StinkoMan argued.

"Darn!" Gunhaver snapped his fingers. "They always get me on a technicality. Oh, well. We're an elite fighting force who has reason to believe that Blue Laser, our sworn enemy, has activity in this area. A giant frog that we believe is on their payroll has been seen causing fires around here."

"Giant frog?" StinkoMan asked. "I have seen no such of frog around here!"

"Uh, guys?" Reynold asked.

"Oh, what is it this time, Reynold?" A peeved Gunhaver asked. "Why did we even take you along with us, anyway?"

"Because I was in the action figure line." Reynold growled. "Anyway, I've been trying to tell you for the last ten minutes that this entire area is now on fire."

"Wha-huh?" StinkoMan exclaimed. The Cheat Commandos and the 20X6 gang looked around, and saw that indeed every building, tree and structure was now engulfed in flame.

"Uh, I noticed." Silent Rip insisted. "I just didn't feel like mentioning it."

"This must be work of that frog!" Gunhaver growled. "Prepare for battle, everybody! Except Reynold."

"All right, big frog." StinkoMan challenged. "Now you must face the likes of me as well!"

Suddenly, from behind a flaming skyscraper, a monstrous form emerged. Fangs glistening, muscles bulging, scales shining, wings flapping, eyes burning with black fire. A hideous grin crossed the beast's fanged face, smoke billowing from its cavernous nostrils. It had spotted its latest prey.

The Cheat Commandos stared, slack-jawed. That thing was much bigger than their mission briefing had indicated (Flashfight really did need contact lenses). And StinkoMan now had a massive bead of sweat on his face that just wouldn't go away.

--

_Plunk-plunk plunk-plunk plunk plunk-plunk-plunk_

_Plunk-plunk plunk-plunk plunk plunk-plunk-plunk_

_In a strange world, to the left of your imagination and the right of your neurosis, there sits a plane in which a small group of strange beings go through the same motions again and again and again. It doesn't make sense to us, but it's all that makes sense to them._

A lone figure stood, his gaze fixed on the jagged black/pink sky. His ancient form was carved from stone, and his narrow, triangular eyes seemed to look beyond what they saw. It had already begun. Now was the calm. Soon was the storm. Soon...


	2. Portents and Portals

**Chapter 2: Portals and Portents**

_Strong Bad... time is very short... the time will be soon... very soon. Strong Bad, listen to me... he wants you dead, and he will stop at nothing to see you die... he will not hesitate to destroy this entire universe if he sees fit, and he will. There is only one hope... as the universe collapses around you; you must find the one known as Eh! Steve... it is the only hope to save your friends, family, and the many innocents in this universe..._

Strong Bad's eyes snapped open. Suddenly he was back on his couch, slumped lazily over the armrest. A shallow teen comedy was playing on TV, and Strong Sad was still sitting on the other end of the couch, his hands clasped, his eyes focused on the floor and his voice still droning endlessly.

"So anyway, I know it's just chess-by-mail, but, well... I want a deeper relationship, and I don't know how to tell her. I don't know how it got so bad, but there's just something about the way she writes 'King's Rook takes Knight's Pawn' that just..."

Strong Bad sighed and allowed himself to relax. He had to laugh at himself. For a moment there, he had got himself all worked up over whatever the heck that voice was saying. Hanging out with Homestar must have rubbed off on him. No, there was nothing to get excited about. Just some stupid dream he had while he had fallen asleep listening to Strong Sad whine.

_I am most certainly NOT a dream, young man!_

Strong Bad sat bolt upright this time. Was he going crazy?

_No, you're not. Now get going and find Eh! Steve! What part about the universe collapsing don't you understand? _

"...and I never told anybody, but I cried for the rest of the night." Strong Sad was saying.

"Uh... sorry, man." Strong Bad said, not wanting to provoke the voice any further. "But I gotta go. I need to find Homestar." He jumped up and ran for the door.

"Oh, fine. Go ahead." Strong Sad sighed. "Go talk to Homestar. It'll probably be a lot more fun than talking to me." He settled into the couch and sighed. Suddenly something struck him. Had Strong Bad just said "sorry"? Willingly, yet? Strong Sad let out a sound of sheer incredulity as he fainted dead away.

Strong Bad's mind raced just as swiftly and frantically as his feet. Homestar was right! And if he was... was the world really coming to an end? Were they all really doomed? How the heck was he supposed to find Eh! Steve, when the dude didn't even exist? What, was this a metaphor for something? Oh, heck no. Let it be anything but a metaphor.

His train of thought was interrupted when he was suddenly knocked off his feet with a sharp blow to the stomach. Doubled over, Strong Bad was shocked to look up and see Homestar grinning down at him.

"Homestar?" Strong Bad asked, rubbing his sore midsection. "What the crap..."

"Punch buggy!" Homestar said with a smile.

"Homestar, I've told you before!" Strong Bad raged, climbing to his feet. "You're only supposed to do that when you see a Volkswagen!"

"Ooooh. Sowwy." Homestar said, sheepishly. "I forgot again."

"There's more important stuff going on." Strong Bad declared. "You remember that voice you heard yesterday?"

"Oh, come on, Stwong Bad." Homestar dismissed. "I heard enough of that fwom Marzipan last night."

"No, Homestar! It's all real!" Strong Bad yelled.

"What, sewiously?" Homestar asked.

"No kidding, man. I heard it myself just now." Strong Bad insisted. "I don't know all of what's going on, but it sounds really bad. We're talking cataclysmic level here."

"Gweat." Homestar said. "What should we do now? Should we tell the King?"

"Oh, please." Strong Bad scoffed. "What would the King do? Eat the guy who's destroying the universe? Not that I'd put it past him, but..."

"Maybe we could ask that purple guy." Homestar said, thoughtfully.

"What purple guy?" Strong Bad asked, swinging around. He followed Homestar's line of sight and saw that what appeared to be a tear in reality had just appeared out of nowhere. It glowed an electric purple and crackled like fire.

"Can I touch it?" Homestar asked, eagerly.

"Better not, man." Strong Bad cautioned. "We'd better tell the others about this before..."

The thought was not completed, as the void suddenly began attracting matter like a super-powered vacuum cleaner. Strong Bad attempted to grab something for traction, but his glove only clutched empty air. "Great, man. Just great." He yelled as he and Homestar were sucked into the vortex. "Now we're ripping off Stargaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...." The vortex hummed and crackled, and then vanished.

--

Ducks. Why were so many ducks running around? Some of them were small and wore oddly stylish helmets, and others were taller and paced relentlessly. Not that the rest of the world was really worth pacing to begin with. Mostly a large area of solid black segmented by lines of ultraviolet red, blue and green. There is a reason people don't play video games like this anymore. With a brilliant flash, Homestar Runner and Strong Bad suddenly found themselves in the middle of this 4-bit mayhem.

"Whoa!" Homestar gasped. "Head wush!"

"Well, I'll be a three-legged mule." A monotone voice droned. "More visitors."

Both turned and saw the Homestar Runner staring blankly at them. "Who are you, Smokey Joe?" Strong Bad demanded.

"I'm the Homestar Runner." The monochrome figure intoned.

"You are? Cool! So am I!" Homestar exclaimed. "Maybe we could start a club!"

"Believe me, you don't want me to have a club right about now." Strong Bad growled.

"I was hoping you fellers could tell me how I got to this hooch parlor." The Homestar Runner added. "Alla these bright colours are hurtin' my ol' eyes."

"Uh, it's pretty complicated." Strong Bad explained. "Do you know what universal decay is?"

"I think that's the place where rich folks go to get educated." The Homestar Runner hedged.

Strong Bad sighed. The rest of the populace didn't look any more perceptive. A large hairy man and what looked like an old-fashioned version of himself were having a duel, a mop and a large ugly rat substituting for rapiers. There was a human-shaped outline jogging constantly, not seeming to notice he was on a treadmill. And an admittedly handsome face was floating at the end of the corridor, firing rectangles at random ducks to make them explode.

"Okay, okay." Strong Bad said, raising his voice and addressing all and sundry. "Does anybody here know where we can find Eh! Steve?"

"SHOOT IM UP A GENN!" the floating Strong Bad head gargled, firing another rectangle, which broke apart when it struck the wall.

"I'll take that as a no." Strong Bad sighed. "What do we do now?" His question received a very prompt and blunt answer.

An explosive roar echoed through the area as a very angry and somewhat hungry rhino crashed onto the scene, stampeding down the corridor and scattering a few errant ducks. "Let's see..." Hallrunner mused. "Should I fight, talk, or j... AAAAARGGGGHHH!" he screamed as the rhino brutally bashed him into a wall without slowing its pace. "Now I'll never get 700 points..." Hallrunner sniffled.

"Alarm and consternation!" The Strong Bad bristled. "Yon rampaging beast has placed us both in jeopardy! Shall we table this disagreement for the nonce, barbarian?"

"I would have to agree, oh bearer of facial wax." Thy Dungeonman concurred, the two disengaging from their duel and shrinking against the wall to grant the rhino passage. Unfortunately, Homestar, Strong Bad and the Homestar Runner were still in the pugnacious pachyderm's path.

"Oh, great." Strong Bad groaned. "The only way we could stop the rhino is to feed him something, and I think he'd find Homestar a bit too stringy..."

"Yeah, I think I have too much dark meat." Homestar shrugged.

"Perhaps old Fido would care for some dry meal." The Homestar Runner mumbled, whipping out a sack of the bland, dusty corn powder.

Remarkably, the gambit worked. Upon seeing the sack of fodder, the rhinoceros stopped in his tracks, lowered his head and docilely began to feed.

"All wight!" Homestar cheered. "Evewything's gonna be all wight now! Way to go, old me!"

"Don't say that, Homestar." Strong Bad warned. "That's just asking for something ironic to happen."

Sure enough, it was then that the floating Strong Bad head decided to shoot another rectangle, this one hitting the rhino in the flank. The rhino reared up his head, angry at being interrupted mid-meal but basically unhurt (c'mon, it's a rectangle, for crying out loud). The snarling beast once again lowered his head and charged. The Strong Bad head shot more rectangles at the approaching behemoth, but in vain. The rhino rammed the head head-on, appropriately enough.

"Ooh! Not in any way good!" Homestar winced.

"OH NO" The floating Strong Bad head warbled. "MY HEAD A SPLODE A GENN!" His red gridlines flashed white-hot.

"Hit the dirt!" Strong Bad screamed as the massed characters threw themselves at the ground as one. With one exception.

"...What?" The Homestar Runner asked.

VOOP!

GAME OVER THANKYOU FOR-PLAYING.

--

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER AND THE STRONG BAD NEARLY GET KILLED PAINFULLY

A KID'S BOOK BY MIKE & CRAIG

Bright sunshine gradually filtered through Strong Bad's crinkled eyelids. He grumbled something unintelligible and sat up, his head spinning. Finally he opened his eyes and saw that he and Homestar were sitting in some sort of grassy meadow. "Uggggh." Strong Bad grunted, rubbing his eyes. "How the crap did we survive that?"

"I dunno, Stwong Bad. Maybe we had an extwa continue!" Homestar suggested.

"Where are we now?" Strong Bad asked, looking around. "Are we... back home?"

"Hmm." Homestar muttered. "I seem to wemember home being... more well-dwawn than this." Truly, the meadow at least resembled Free Country, only with much cruder outlining and colouring. "Maybe we're in Ewok-land!" Homestar added.

The sound of excited cheering echoed across the glade. "C'mon, Homestar." Strong Bad commanded. "Let's go see what's going on over there. Maybe somebody could help us."

The two crested the nearby hill and saw some sort of sporting event taking place. A nearby banner read "STRONGEST MAN IN THE WORLD COMPETITION '97". Approaching the crowd, Homestar and Strong Bad saw some very familiar people...

"Holy crap!" Strong Bad exclaimed, pointing out the four rock musicians. "Do you know who those guys are?"

"Uh... the Blue Man Gwoup?" Homestar guessed.

"No, you uncultured moron!" Strong Bad accosted. "That's Limozeen, man! Supreme titans among men!"

"HEY, STRONG BAD!" Larry yelled as he saw the new arrivals. "HOW'S THE PREZ OF OUR BIGGEST FAN CLUB?"

"Not bad, dude!" Strong Bad replied. "I also took over as secretary-treasurer last season."

"Ooh, look!" A sketchy pigtailed girl sitting with the band screeched. "It's a baseball guy and a wrestledude! I bet they have muscles!"

"Cheerleader, I thought the four of us were double-dating." A somewhat dumpier girl remarked.

"It's okay, I'll triple-date!" the cheerleader insisted.

"I bet that skinny guy can hit it off the backstop!" a downright ugly girl chimed in.

"Wrestleguys smell like gym mat. And elbows." A rather prettier girl added.

"So, uh, what are you guys doing here?" Strong Bad asked, ignoring the girls. "Goodwill tour?"

"Peh. You got me, dude." Gary shrugged. "Me and the guys just woke up one day in this school with all of these weird girls, and then some kind of scotch mint attacked us, and then we fell through some sorta flashing thing and ended up here. I really hope I remember all of this when I wake up, because this would make for one heck of a song."

"So you've travelled between the worlds too?" Strong Bad asked.

"Call it what you want, man." Marry grumbled. "I call it one heck of a head trip. Almost enough to get me to swear off the furniture polish."

"Tewwific athletes learn to say no, man." Homestar lectured.

"So, have you guys ran into Eh! Steve on your travels?" Strong Bad asked, eagerly.

"Uh... yeah, I remember him." Marry remarked. "He got hit with a bus or something two years ago. Sorry, dude."

"No, dude, I think that was A. Reeve, the drummer for Radyatur." Perry countered.

"You callin' me wrong again?" Marry accused.

"Never mind." Strong Bad sighed. "I guess we're in the wrong place again."

The rest of the crowd cheered, and the rest turned to the main action. Mr. Bland and Senor had been unable to hoist their grapes properly, and the cheery-looking Robot appeared to be the winner of the day.

"Defeated again, right, Senor?" Mr. Bland sighed.

"Pueblos festivos." Senor shrugged.

VOIP!

Suddenly the Robot's grapes crashed to the ground, as did the Robot itself, its smoking wreckage lacking a head. All gasped when they saw a second Robot storming onto the scene, his visor glowing red.

"It's been a while since I've been to one of these, but I don't think that was supposed to happen." Homestar said.

"I smell detritus." What's Her Face sadly observed.

The crowd screamed and fled in all directions as the Robot began firing at anybody he saw. Strong Bad and Homestar saw another flashing portal ahead of them and jumped through, leaving the carnage and suffering and lamentations of the womens and childrens behind.

--

Strong Bad blinked, trying to clear the afterimages ravaging his vision. Finally he opened his eyes and saw that they had most definitely ended up in another world yet again, and a decidedly less-friendly one at that. The sky was black and crackled with violent thunder. The ground mostly consisted of scorched rock and dead trees. A few broken metal objects littered the scene, as well as what appeared to be blackened human and animal remains. A heavy wind howled constantly, echoing in the sheer emptiness of the barren plateau.

"Where the crap are we now?" Strong Bad growled, clambering unsteadily to his feet, ignoring the pounding in his head. Something told him a headache was the least of his worries in this place.

Homestar looked around, thoughtfully. "Maybe we died and ended up in heaven."

"What?!" Strong Bad was incredulous. "Does this dump look heavenly in the slightest to you?"

"Not weally." Homestar shrugged. "But I did say maybe."

Strong Bad brought a glove to his eyes, shading himself from the glare of the frequent lightning strikes. He spotted a large stone obelisk and, hoping for some information as to their whereabouts, ran up to it. The obelisk proved to be an information sign, and the information was bleak.

WELCOME TO PEASANTRY  
POPULATION: DEAD

"So much for getting help from the locals." Strong Bad snarled, spitefully kicking a loose skull away. "Homestar, what do you say we..."

"Oh, no!" Homestar gasped, his eyes wide.

"Homestar, what's wrong?" Strong Bad asked, warily.

"They did it! They blew it up!" Homestar screamed. "They blew it all up!"

"Homestar..." Strong Bad growled, warningly.

"They blew it all up!" Homestar sobbed, falling to his knees. "Why? WHY? Curse you, you maniacs! Curse you all!"

"Homestar!" Strong Bad shouted. This was not the time.

"No! Noooooo!" Homestar sobbed, weeping pitifully. Then he sat up and looked at Strong Bad, smiling broadly. "Boy, if they give awards for this Internet stuff, I'm a contender for sure!"

"I'll give you an award across the top of your skull if you don't..." Strong Bad threatened, but was interrupted by Homestar jumping up to a small pile of smashed stones.

"Let my people go!" Homestar shouted. "Soylent Gween is people!"

His award-winning performance was interrupted decisively by a thrown rock impacting his head and knocking him off the pile. "I'd like to thank my pwess agent and all of the little people..." Homestar slurred, stars dancing around his head.

"Alright, Mr. Charleston, let's get..." Strong Bad commanded, but stopped short when he realized that Homestar was not alone on the other side of the pile. Right next to him sat a small baby wrapped in a blanket. "Oh, geez." Strong Bad whispered. Despite the danger of the situation, it just didn't seem right to see an infant stranded alone in this tomb.

The baby raised an eyebrow. "You fellows aren't from around here, are you?" he asked in perfect upper English cadence.

"Wow, Stwong Bad! I can understand the language of the babies!" Homestar exclaimed. "I must vow to only use this power for good!"

"Or maybe you've just finally found somebody to talk with on your mental level." Strong Bad scoffed. "Besides, I understood him too. What's the deal with this place, kid?" he asked.

"This is Peasantry. Well, it was." The baby explained. "Unfortunately, he showed up too many times, and, well, this is all that's left. I only came back for sentimental reasons, and I doubt I'll even come here ever again."

"He?" Strong Bad echoed. "Who's he?"

"He's the one who did all of this." The baby said, gesturing. "And if you stick around for too long, he'll get you as well. You'll end up like poor Squire Dashing over there." He added, pointing to the long-abandoned remains of a thatched hut, a broken statue erected nearby.

"What happened to him?" Strong Bad asked, pressing the issue. "Who did all of this?"

"Stwong Bad, you shouldn't waise your voice at him." Homestar scolded. "It might hinder his emotional development."

"I'll hinder your brain activity if you don't keep your mouth shut." Strong Bad warned. He turned back and saw that the baby had left, and was crawling toward the river.

"Hey, wait!" Strong Bad yelled. "You didn't answer! What happened here?"

"If you stay here you'll find out first-hand." The baby cautioned, jumping into the river. "Farewell!" he shouted as he swam over the horizon.

"Great." Strong Bad growled. "We still don't know what's going on here!"

"Maybe that statue can tell us." Homestar suggested.

"Homestar, this might come as a shock, but most people don't carry on conversations with stone objects." Strong Bad countered.

"Oh. Their loss, I guess." Homestar shrugged.

Strong Bad examined the statue, which was cast in the likeness of a T-shirt-clad young man. Its head had fallen off years ago, but the inscription was still mostly legible. Strong Bad wiped off the dust and crumbling stone and read.

Here be the domicile of RATHER DASHING  
A de-scented Peasant of high standards and short pants  
Missed by all he owed pittance to  
He was on some date or other slain in combat by the BURNINATOR

Something caught in Strong Bad's throat as he read the final line. The Burninator? No. It was impossible. It must have been a coincidence of names. Trogdor wasn't real. He couldn't be. Strong Bad was his creator. Wasn't he?

"Whoa." Homestar whispered, reading the inscription himself. "I guess we can wule out the chicken pox, then."

"Well, I'm not gonna just stand here and wait for whatever got all of these people to get me." Strong Bad affirmed, standing up and looking for a viable direction to keep walking. "I want to know what the crap has been going on, and I'm not giving up until I've found out. And maybe give whoever's behind this a good kick in the pants."

"You know something, Stwong Bad?" Homestar piped up.

"I'll regret this, but what's on your so-called mind?" Strong Bad replied, scanning the horizon out of the periphery of his vision for a familiar S-shaped profile, even though he knew it was ridiculous to be watching for something that didn't exist.

"Well, I'm normally not vewy weligious, but I weally hope that Dangewesque shows up and wescues us all." Homestar solemnly observed. "If anybody could get us out of this pickle, he could."

Something broke within Strong Bad. It was bad enough that he was being herky-jerked through these bizarro dimensions for no apparent reason, never knowing whether he would ever get back home, or even if his home still existed, but this was trying his patience. He had tried he best to keep his cool, even when Homestar made his little comments, but this was hitting it too close. "Homestar," he snapped. "Dangeresque isn't real."

"Sure he is!" Homestar insisted in all confidence. "I've seen both his movies personally."

"Homestar, Dangeresque movies are works of fiction." Strong Bad explained. "I mean, I'm Dangeresque. Dangeresque is me."

"What?" Homestar looked stricken, and slightly hurt. "No you're not! You can't be!"

"Homestar..." Strong Bad was amazed at how patient he was being, as though he were addressing a child. "I am Dangeresque. I write the scripts, and I direct the movies, and I play Dangeresque. Dangeresque is just me with sunglasses."

"But... no!" Homestar's voice cracked slightly. "That can't..."

"Oh, come on, Homestar!" Strong Bad yelled. "You should know! You're in the freakin' movies, too! You're Dangeresque Too!"

"I just thought that we looked a lot alike..." Homestar whimpered, trembling.

"Homestar." Strong Bad said with finality. "It's not real."

Homestar's eyes widened with betrayed shock. And suddenly, he was gone in a red and white blur.

"Homestar!" Strong Bad yelled into the empty air. "Homestar!" No answer, except for his own voice echoing off the crumbling cliffs.

Strong Bad felt a curious sensation of loyalty. The hardened, self-serving side of him that governed most of his actions was telling him to just continue on his own. Homestar was, above all, dead weight, he told himself. But another side of him was urging him to find Homestar and continue together. Being left at the fate of whatever this thing was seemed too cruel to wish on anybody. Not to mention the possibility of what would happen if he somehow made it home on his own. What would he say to the others? They would never forgive him for leaving Homestar to die. In truth, he wasn't entirely sure that he would be able to forgive himself. Ignoring his common sense, he climbed over the rise and scanned for Homestar.

He needn't have looked far. Homestar was sitting on what looked like a mossy hill, which was a pleasing shade of green in the sea of purple-grey rock. "Homestar, look..." Strong Bad rationalized as he approached.

"I don't wanna talk to you." Homestar pouted, not bothering to look Strong Bad in the eye.

"Homestar, don't take it so hard." Strong Bad insisted, standing on the green hill, near twin geysers which emitted thick smoke at regular intervals.

"Evewything I've ever been told is a lie." Homestar whispered.

"Oh, don't be like that, Homestar." Strong Bad scolded. "I thought that you already knew that Dangeresque wasn't real. I wasn't trying to keep anything from you, man."

"Is Marzipan weal?" Homestar asked, looking Strong Bad in the eye at last.

So that was it. "She sure is, man." Strong Bad affirmed. "She's real, and I am, and Pom Pom and The Cheat and everybody else."

"You're not twying to twick me again?" Homestar asked, his regular optimism beginning to shine once more.

"No tricks, man. Awesome dude's honour." Strong Bad pledged. "And we have to keep going if we want to find Eh! Steve and see everybody again." Strong Bad was slightly amazed at his own words. He had taken an understandably nihilistic view of the situation, but in his attempts to comfort Homestar, he had nearly convinced himself that maybe, just maybe, they might get through this.

"All wight." Homestar declared, standing up and adjusting his hat. "Let's get going, so I can see Marzipan and the others again."

"That's more like it, man." Strong Bad replied.

Rrrrrrrrrrumble.

"Uh, Stwong Bad?" Homestar asked. "Did you just say wumble?"

"I was kinda hoping you did, man." Strong Bad replied. A pungent odour assaulted his senses. "Eeech. Smells like...sulphur." Strong Bad sniffed.

"Maybe somebody's having a cookout!" Homestar suggested.

Suddenly the hill rose violently beneath them, placing them a good three stories above where they had been sitting previous. Spinning around, Strong Bad's mind processed three interesting facts simultaneously.

Number one, Trogdor, it seemed, was real in this universe after all. Two, they were currently standing on his snout. Three, it was a very good thing that his bladder was already empty, because it definitely would be empty now.

The dragon's eyes glinted with bestial delight as they scoped the very tempting morsels sitting on its snout. A massive tongue licked across scaled lips in anticipation, and irregular puffs of smoke sputtered from its nostrils. "Um, Stwong Bad?" Homestar asked.

"What?" Strong Bad replied, his mind racing.

Homestar suddenly lunged forward, driving his foot decisively into the dragon's eye. The beast let out a pained howl as it reared back, Homestar and Strong Bad falling to safety. They ran the instant they hit the ground, leaving Trogdor to thrash about in pain, his fiery breath blasting in every direction, his massive arm demolishing the nearby cliffs as it flailed wildly.

"Well, what did you want to ask me?" Strong Bad asked as they ran.

"Oh, wight." Homestar replied. "Do you think I shoulda kicked him in the eye?"

"Sure. I mean, whatever works." Strong Bad replied.

"ROAAAAAARRRRR!" Trogdor screamed, recovered from the blow and more determined than ever to make a meal out of the fleeing pair. Within five thunderous paces he was nearly upon them. Strong Bad could feel the flames licking at his heels. While he couldn't run as fast as Homestar, he could at least keep pace. But Trogdor was faster still. The dragon tossed his head back and prepared for a burnination blast that would stop anything in its tracks...

WHOOSH! Suddenly Homestar and Strong Bad were out of Trogdor's range, not to mention entirely off the ground. The dragon growled in fury as its quarry escaped. Homestar and Strong Bad looked up and saw that they had been rescued by a familiar blue-haired individual, who had a firm grip on Strong Bad's arm and Homestar's shirt as they soared through the sky.

"StinkoMan! You're weal!" Homestar exclaimed. "And you can fly!"

"What are you talking about?" StinkoMan laughed. "I cannot fly!"

"Uh, right." Strong Bad muttered. He had seen enough cartoons to know what happens when you press a point like this. StinkoMan swooped down to a graceful landing behind a fortified rock formation, where the Cheat Commandos were staked out.

"Good work, SmelloMan." Gunhaver greeted them. "You've got those civilians out of the firing range."

"I have told you many times!" StinkoMan yelled as he released the two. "The name is StinkoMan!"

"Whoa! You guys are the Cheat Commandos?" Strong Bad asked, another facet of his fantasy life brought to reality.

"Correct." Gunhaver boasted. "Colonel Gunhaver at your defence."

"Major Gunhaver!" Silent Rip corrected him.

"Oh... whatever." Gunhaver dismissed. "It's one of those army-y words."

"Stand back, you guys!" Reinforcements yelled, pushing his way to the front and arming his rocket launcher. "Justice Rocket Backpack ROCKET ROCKET FIRE!!!"

KABOOOM! The crumbling remains of a nearby castle exploded in a hail of fire and rubble. "Nice job, Reinforcements." Gunhaver remarked. "But you were supposed to be aiming for that frog!" He added crossly, pointing at Trogdor, who was momentarily distracted by the nearby explosion.

"Details, details." Reinforcements dismissed. "Something blew up, and that's good enough for me."

"Stop referring to that thing as a frog!" StinkoMan yelled. "That is no frog! Frogs are noble creatures of wisdom and martial arts! That is most certainly what we call A DRAGON!!!"

"Zip it, buddy." Gunhaver reprimanded. "I've got classified military documents right here that say that thing is a frog!" he added, holding up three sheets of lined paper. "If our intelligence agents say it's a frog, it's a frog!"

"Intelligence! Ha!" StinkoMan scoffed. "I think you Cheat Commandos are more like the Cheat DUMBandos, if you ask me!"

"Oh, man." Homestar chuckled to himself. "That's the funniest thing I've heard all week!"

"Man, those guys were cool in the 80's, but now they're kinda embarrassing." Strong Bad observed. "And vaguely insulting."

"How did you guys get here, anyway?" Homestar asked.

"What?! I am not entirely sure." StinkoMan scratched his head. "We were battling that DRAGON over there when it got sucked into some sort of purple vortex. Or maybe it was a null."

"Unfortunately, we got sucked in too." Gunhaver added. "And this is not a dragon. It's been officially confirmed to be..."

A sudden rumble that nearly knocked them all off their feet ended the argument then and there. All looked up and realized that while they were distracted, Trogdor had made his approach and was literally standing over them.

"Oh. Uh, was I spos'ta be on lookout?" Crackotage asked, slightly embarrassed.

Fightgar suddenly shoved his way to the front, staring defiantly into the dragon's eyes and levelling his gun at the beast's face. "Eat red laser, me bucko!" Fightgar screamed, squeezing the trigger again and again. However, squeezing the trigger did not produce the desired firing of the gun.

"I told you not to waste all of that ammo firing at those pigeons!" Gunhaver scolded.

"It was target practice!" Fightgar argued.

Trogdor inhaled sharply, ready to incinerate the entire group.

"RUN AWAY!!!" Fightgar screamed, the group splintering just in time to avoid the blast. Strong Bad and Homestar were blown off to one side, StinkoMan and the Cheat Commandos to the other. Strong Bad and Homestar ended up in a pile of rocks next to the face of the formation.

"C'mon, Homestar." Strong Bad growled, climbing back to his feet despite the pain. "We've got to..."

"Stwong Bad, look!" Homestar gasped. Strong Bad looked to the horizon and saw, to his horror, that the ground was rapidly collapsing into oblivion, leaving behind infinite blackness in its wake. The faultline was heading directly for them at incredible speed.

"Holy crap!" Strong Bad shouted, fruitlessly trying to scrabble back up the rocks. It was no use. In an instant the entire area collapsed to dust, sending Homestar and Strong Bad into the abyss.

Strong Bad was flying, falling, spinning and tumbling all at once. He forgot everything. He felt nothing. Everything disappeared into darkness. Everything was nothing...

--

Somewhere in the emptiness between the dimensions, a hooded figure allowed himself a cruel smile and a cold laugh as he watched Peasantry collapse to nothingness. "Enjoy your rest, Strong Bad." He muttered, although Strong Bad could not possibly hear him. "I want you to be at full strength when I destroy you, and your pitiful universe with you."

He then turned away, making the final preparations for the fruition of his plans. An old grudge was to be avenged at last.


	3. Armageddon Outta Here

ARTHUR NOTES: Okay. You might want to make yourself a hot dog sandwich and some apple cola. This is a long 'un!  
Contact me if you'd like to read to full version of the epilogue. Director commentary, widescreen and hot music videos not available.

**Chapter 3: Armageddon Out of Here  
****Or  
****The Day of Wreckoning  
****Or  
****It's the End of the World as We Know it (and I Feel Lousy)  
****Or...**

Ah, you pick whichever one you like.

_Strong Bad, don't forget what I told you..._

"Mmmph. Simon's Quest... Amazing Island... Yoshi's Island... Yoshi's Safari, Yoshi's... Cookie?"

"Strong Bad..." a different voice piped up.

"And if this happens one more time, I'm gettin' The Cheat to install a padlock up there. Freakin' grey matter staining my upholstery..."

"Hey, Strong Bad." The voice continued.

"ARE YOU SAYING EVERYBODY WHO LIKES TROGDOR HAS MENTAL DISORDERS?"

"Strong Bad!" The voice shouted. Strong Bad's scattered thoughts suddenly aligned themselves. He opened his eyes and his blurry vision focused in on a familiar forlorn face.

"Strong Sad! Oh, man, am I glad to see you!" Strong Bad said.

"You are?" Strong Sad asked.

"Not really." Strong Bad said. "But that's the waking-up thing to say."

"I figured as much." Strong Sad sighed.

"Oh, man." Strong Bad laughed, rubbing his head. "What a crazy dream I had! I dreamt that Homestar and me were going on this weird trip through all these weird places full of weird people. It was... uh..."

"Weird?" Strong Sad suggested.

"That's it, man." Strong Bad said, sitting up. "Am I glad that it was all just some bizarre dream and had nothing to do with reality in any way."

"Uh, I hate to be the one to tell you this..." Strong Sad sighed, gesturing around. Strong Bad looked up in shock. They were all standing on what appeared to be a stone disc about a half-mile in diameter. Massive walls of marble pillars surrounded the entire area, reaching high into the sky, which itself was black and rumbled with purple electricity.

"Hey, no fair!" Strong Bad yelled, lying back down. "I'm going back to sleep. I was enjoying myself."

An opinionated, if cuddly ball of fur bounded onto Strong Bad's belly. "Neena! Munnawaneema!" it squeaked.

"Oh, hey, The Cheat." Strong Bad sighed, sitting back up. "How'd you guys get here, anyway?"

"Wunna na waneema." The Cheat shrugged.

"Yeah, I'd say that's about it." Strong Sad sighed. "The ground just kind of fell away from underneath us, and we ended up here. I personally don't think it had anything to do with my weight, but what do I know? Then we found you and Homestar just laying here."

Strong Bad looked and saw the rest of the Free Country gang hanging around, looking confused and disoriented. More than usual. Marzipan was kneeling on the ground, cradling a still-unconscious Homestar's head in her lap.

"I don't think you're holdin' his head at the right elevation, there." Coach Z was suggesting. "He might swallow his tongue or somethin'. I've seen it happen."

"Coach Z, Homestar doesn't have a tongue." Marzipan reminded him.

"Oh." Coach Z scratched his head. "Biology wasn't my best subject."

Tentatively Homestar blinked and opened his eyes, taking in the sight of the vision in pink beaming down at him. "Wow!" he exclaimed in awe. "Saint Peter looks just like Marzipan!"

"Homestar, it's me." Marzipan replied, equal parts affection and annoyance.

"Even better!" Homestar exclaimed, sitting up. "Uh, how did we get here?"

"Search me, Homestar." Bubs shrugged. "One minute we were back home, and the next minute we ended up here."

"Well, obviously we have been brought here by somebody with a grudge on the twelve of us." The King deduced.

Pom Pom bubbled for his friends to look around. They suddenly realized that a massive group of characters had somehow joined them in this strange place. Everybody was there; the 20X6 crew, the 1936 gang, Teen Girl Squad, Limozeen, Thy Dungeonman, the Cheat Commandos and a variety of miscellaneous others. Marshie swooped around like a maniac and the Goblin danced obliviously and the Yello Dello looked on in disdain, as though she had better things to do. There woulda been a Pteracheat™ there, too, but he demanded too much money, and we blew the budget on the portals. Crossovers aren't cheap, you know.

In any event, despite their initial distrust of each other, Homestar and Strong Bad's previous encounters with everybody was enough to bring them together, and soon a heated discussion began over who was responsible for all of this. While this debate raged, a small group of less-than-popular characters had a quiet discussion of their own.

"And that's the way I have the most important of bushes to creepouch behind, Ginabert." Senor Cardgage was saying, much to the general disgust of the others.

"Uh... right." Reynold snivelled. "But seriously, those guys don't listen to me at all. Their heads could be on fire and they wouldn't let me tell them! What an army."

"All I want is a half-cup of gruel." Sickly Sam whined. "If that's too much to ask, then I'm sorry."

"I know how you guys feel." Strong Sad sympathised. "I think I might need therapy, as I've actually been conditioned to loathe the sound of my own voice. I'm literally resenting myself right now as I'm saying this. And people wonder why I keep to myself."

Perhaps Strong Sad would have felt slightly better if he had known that a longing pair of female eyes belonging to yet another born loser was scoping him out. "I think I have a chance with this guy!" What's Her Face cooed to herself.

"Forget it." So-And-So piped up. "He's too fat."

"And too... elephant." The Ugly One added.

"I don't think he's elephant enough." Cheerleader countered.

Meanwhile, the argument had blossomed into a three-way debate between, Strong Bad, the Strong Bad and StinkoMan. Pom Pom was acting as moderator, but not even he could keep the tempers and egos entirely in line.

"Hey, pillow-man!" StinkoMan shouted at Marshie. "Are you the one who is behind all this?"

"I'm not behind anything, you silly crank!" Marshie laughed as he swooped around. "I'm always in front!"

"Lousy cotton swab." Gunhaver growled.

"Well, then who is?" Strong Bad demanded.

"Now all..." a loud voice suddenly proclaimed, "will be revealed." Everybody turned to the source of the voice and saw an apparition of a cloaked figure standing over all of them. "I am the one who has brought you here."

"I knew it!" Homestar exclaimed. "It was a guy in a hoodie all along!"

"So! You finally decide to show your pig of a face!" StinkoMan bellowed. "I have a rather large score with which I will settle with you!"

"That robey makes his figure look... foldy." So-And-So scoffed. "I'm totally not into that."

"Are you now or have you ever been associated with certain parties who employ certain frogs?" Gunhaver interrogated. "And remember, this conversation is being – Crackotage, get a pencil and some paper – recorded!"

"...What?" the Homestar Runner asked.

"Surprised to see me again, Strong Bad?" the cloaked spectre asked.

"Do I know you, man?" Strong Bad asked. "I don't recall being acquainted with any ghoulish cloak-y types."

"Ah, how quickly you forget." The ghoul replied. "Has it really been that long... old friend?" he pulled off his hood, revealing... Thanos? Darkseid? Galactus? The Anti-Monitor? Howard the Duck?

"What the crap... the Deke?!" Strong Bad was incredulous. "You're not still sore about that incident on the court all those years ago?"

"Oh, you'd better believe it, Strong Bad." Intoned the poorly-dressed man with the hideous facial hair. "I have waited long for this."

"Man, you need to learn to let it go." Strong Bad chided. "You're only embarrassing yourself more, you know."

"Not anymore." The Deke snarled. "That was my winning basket, not yours! I never had a chance to play with the pros because nobody paid any attention to me! All of that stupid grandstanding and self-promotion had everybody focusing on you, and you didn't score three points that entire season! You were a stone in my shoe for my entire career, and I demand revenge!"

"I don't believe this!" Coach Z was in shock. "Who woulda thought that the Dork was evil?"

There was a brief pause, and then the denizens of the various universes burst into uncontrollable answer. Strong Bad clutched his stomach in glee. Homestar fell to his knees, doubled over in laughter. Limozeen laughed until they began to choke or dry heave. The Teen Girl Squad was rolling on the floor, giggling and squealing. StinkoMan danced in joy, various liquids flowing from his nose. The Cheat Commandos laughed in perfect unison, hands on hips. Strong Sad didn't laugh, but he appreciated the intellectual level of the situation. The Homestar Runner looked around, wondering what was so funny.

"Stop that laughing!" the Deke thundered. "Shut up! That's a command!"

Homestar looked up, tears streaking down his face. He somehow got his wind back. "Whatever you say," he wheezed. "The Dork!"

This only prompted another fit of hysterics. The Deke stomped the ground in fury, and thunder rumbled in the skies above. Whether these two events had any relation is unknown. In any event, it was enough to stave off the laughter just enough. "That's another thing!" The Deke roared. "You were always getting Coach Z to say my name, because you knew that he would pronounce it that way!"

"So, let me get this straight." Strong Bad rationalized. "You wanted revenge on me, so you became a cosmic entity? Wouldn't it be easier to, you know, spray-paint my name on a few bathroom walls?"

"Yes, but not as satisfactory." The Deke dismissed. "Once I had mastered the art of universal decay, I found a great many worlds beyond yours. So, I made a decision. Why would I bother merely destroying you and your friends when I could destroy everybody in this segment of the universal continuum? Look at all the different versions of you contained here. Look at all the universes that were inadvertently created through brainwaves of yours. What better revenge than to destroy all of this in a single blow?"

"So, how'd you get us all here?" Strong Bad asked, out of obligation towards the plot exposition.

"Shattering your various universes was simple enough." The Deke gloated. "I set up a series of portals that bled one world into another, and eventually caused them all to collapse. Like water from a sponge, you all came tumbling out and ended up here. It's a little arena I cooked up in this nexus of the universes. And it is here where you will all engage in combat." There was general consternation at this point.

"Combat?" Homestar asked.

"Are you daft, man?" the Strong Bad sniffed. "I am not some rooster for you to provoke for your entertainment!"

"NO! I'm too young to be engaged!" Cheerleader protested.

"Sounds great! When do we start?" Fightgar enthused. He noticed everybody was staring at him. "What?" he asked.

"WHAT? I think that you must have crazy things in your head if you think that we will fight each other!" StinkoMan yelled. "I would much rather fight YOU!!!" he shot forward with a lightning punch aimed directly at the Deke's face, but to his surprise he shot right through him, painfully smashing into the wall.

"Nice try, you Far Eastern fool." The Deke sneered. "But in becoming a master of cosmic manipulation, I have become immaterial! You can't physically harm me!"

"Aw, that bites." Homestar sighed.

"Unfortunately, it also means that I can't physically harm you." The Deke admitted.

"Yay!" Homestar cheered.

"So instead," the Deke explained. "I decided to..."

"I've heard quite enough!" a stately female voice rang out. Everybody looked up and saw the latest arrival; the Grape Fairy, elegantly riding her bumblebee, Honeywind. Homestar and Strong Bad in particular were in awe; they now know whose voice had been warning them all this time.

"Stay out of this, old woman." The Deke snarled. "Not even you can match my power now!"

"Your power is not as great as your confidence, the Deke." The Grape Fairy admonished. "I will not allow you to meddle with these worlds anymore. Be gone!" A wave of her elegant wand, and the Deke was buried in a mountain of grapes.

"Well, that was... anticlimactic." Strong Bad commented.

"Works for me!" Homestar smiled. "Well, folks, I guess all that's left to do is fweeze-fwame and woll the cwedits! Good night, evewybody!"

It was not to be. The Deke calmly stepped out of the grapes as though they didn't exist. "You have not won this time!" the Deke shouted. "Let them come forth!"

Before the Grape Fairy could react, a flurry of attacks shot at her from all directions; flames, lasers and thrown projectiles. The volley was too much for Honeywind to handle, and he went down in flames. The massed characters watched in horror as the Grape Fairy disappeared over the horizon, a sudden mushroom cloud erupting in their wake. A smell not unlike that of honey-roasted raisins filled the air.

"I thought that was a little too easy." Strong Sad sighed.

"Before I was so rudely interrupted by certain departed individuals, I was about to say that I have scoured your universes for the greatest evils I could find. I collected five; all the perfect mix of extremely powerful and mindlessly obedient. I summon them now!" the Deke declared.

From behind the pillars the villains appeared one by one. First came the Robot, his visor glaring as he scanned for his next victim. "Preparing for annihilation." The Robot droned.

After him skittered a veritable army of bloodthirsty Unguraits, chattering viciously among each other as they prepared for the fray. "Ssslay those who walksss in the light of the cursssed sssun!" they snarled.

The Free Country gang gasped as the third figure emerged. "Prepare to die!" Homeschool Winner declared. "For I am Homeschool Winner, which no man can..."

His speech was cut off when he was casually squashed flat under the treads of what was _really_ the third villain – an ugly stock-footage tank, bristling with heavily-armed Blue Laser henchmen.

"WE'LL SET OUTER SPACE ON FIRE!" the Blue Laser leader screamed, popping his head out of the main hatch.

A screaming guitar solo heralded the arrival of the fourth villain – the rapidly-approaching-cliché-status beast of nightmares, Trogdor the Burninator.

"Fat Dudley, hand me my walkin' stick." The Homestar Runner drawled. "That's one big gully snake."

"These five will be the ones whom you combat." The Deke grinned.

"Five?" Strong Bad asked. "I only count four!"

"Look closer, Strong Bad." The Deke replied. Strong Bad looked around until something caught his eye. There was _something_ sitting on the dragon's beefy arm. On closer inspection, it almost looked like...

"Gweat oogly-mooglies!" Homestar exclaimed. "What the cwap is that thing? It's like me, only... weird-looking."

Indeed, it greatly resembled Homestar, only it had more rounded contours and looked like it was made of... felt? Suddenly the faux-Homestar detached itself from the dragon's arm and hopped down to the ground.

"Is that thing... a puppet?!" Strong Bad asked.

"Surpwise, surpwise, suckers!" the puppet gloated. "I'm secwetly evil! Betcha didn't see that one coming!"

"I did, but Homestar didn't." Strong Bad answered.

"Twue, twue." Homestar affirmed.

"C'mon, the Deke." Strong Bad scoffed. "A freakin' puppet? I thought you could do better than that!"

"I'll have you know that the puppet holds one of the greatest weapons in the universe." The Deke replied.

"The power of bad kawaoke!" the puppet declared, pulling out a microphone.

"Well. Now we all know each other." The Deke laughed. "And just to make this even more fun, I've put an extra spin on the battle. In a short time this entire universe will collapse, destroying everything within it. So, you have a choice. You can let my servants destroy you, or you can fight until this entire realm swallows you up. Either way, I will have my vengeance and be highly entertained at the same time. The choice is yours. Well, without further ado..."

He stepped aside, revealing the nervous-looking British Announcer. "I must say!" the Announcer dithered. "This is most unprofessional! Most unprofessional, indeed!" However, a menacing look from the Deke brought him back in line. "Ladies and gentlemen," the Announcer declared, nervously. "The battle begins... now!"

The Robot brought his weapon systems online. The Blue Lasers armed their weapons. Trogdor threw his head back and screamed an earth-shaking roar. The Unguraits matched him with a savage battle cry. The puppet calmly did some vocal exercises. The rest of the combatants prepared for battle with a mix of anger, fear, and foreboding.

The battle was on.

The Blue Lasers and Unguraits, with their advantage in numbers, quickly split up and took the fight to the individual characters. Trogdor and the Robot opted to simply storm right through the crowd, the various characters fleeing from their wide-arcing attacks. And the puppet bided his time, waiting.

Homestar and Strong Bad were in the fray, warding off the enemies from the weaker members of the Free Country gang, namely the King, who was running around blubbering his head off, and Homsar, who didn't seem to know what was going on.

The Robot had opted to mix it up with Thy Dungeonman. "Have at you, you walking foundry!" Thy Dungeonman roared. "Taste the sting of my dagger!" Unfortunately, all he pulled from his loincheesecloth was a somewhat moist loofah. "Blast!" he shouted. "I must have left ye dagger in my other loincheesecloth! Those things look so much alike, you know..." he was barely able to dodge another volley of laser blasts.

The Cheat had eked out an excellent strategy against the Blue Lasers, that of disguising himself as one of them and then siccing The Sneak on them once he had infiltrated them. Other Blue Lasers were running around like ninnies as the Yello Dello pecked their heads ferociously and Strong Mad punched them clean across the arena, even as he bawled over the fact that he was beating up cute The Cheats. The Blue Laser leader was bellowing orders ineffectually through all this, until the Homestar Runner calmly knocked him over the head with a loaf of stale maggot bread.

The Unguraits were proving particularly worrisome, especially since they were sadistically ganging up on the Teen Girl Squad. Cheerleader was holding them off rather well, using her lip gloss as a rapier, but the others were having serious problems, especially What's Her Face. An Ungurait cackled with perverse delight as it knocked her to the ground with a claw swipe and then brutally kicked her head against the floor. Reeling with incredible pain, What's Her Face tried her best to see through her pain-blurred eyes, as the savage creature stood over her, ready to make the killing strike.

BAT! Suddenly the Ungurait was knocked clean off its feet by a little extraterrestrial wielding a Louisville Slugger. The creature hissed a challenge at the intruder, but was knocked out cold by another decisive swing. What's Her Face managed to sit up and watched as the tiny alien jumped into the fray, clobbering Unguraits left and right. She blinked back tears of joy.

"THOMAS LOVES ME!" she squealed in unadulterated joy, getting the full-panel Cheerleader-like treatment for once in her life.

Of course, this meant that she didn't notice another Ungurait coming from behind until it had slashed her head clean off. "Ow! My neck!"

So-And-So and The Ugly One watched the unfolding drama with weary sadness.

"Her heart will go on." So-And-So sighed, trying to kick an Ungurait off her leg.

"Her... head will go off." The Ugly One added, as another Ungurait injured himself trying to gnaw through the steel wire that passes for her hair.

Combating the Unguraits alongside Thomas was the Poopsmith, who was clubbing the vicious creatures handily with his trusty shovel. In some odd way, he felt a strange sense of déjà vu, almost as though he had done this before somewhere...

The big fight, of course, was the unstoppable StinkoMan versus the invincible Trogdor. It was practically a realization of the unstoppable force meeting the immovable object. The Cheat Commandos were providing cover fire, and by "cover fire" I mean they were hiding under cover out of fear of being set on fire. All the while promoting their "Frogdor the Bullfroginator" stand on the issue, of course.

"Huh!" StinkoMan exclaimed as he returned to the ground. "That dragon holds much mighty power! And some powerful might!"

"Let us aid you in your battle, StinkoMan!" Home Starboy insisted. "Please oh please!"

"Okay." StinkoMan conceded. "But don't try to look greater than me, since such things are impossible!" he shot into the air. "DOUBLE DEUCE!"

"HOME STAR RUN GO!" Home Starboy cheered, firing energy blasts from the glowing star on his chest.

"MYSTIC SHINY BAUBLE!" Marzi-chan shouted, twirling around and throwing what was undoubtedly a powerful piece of costume jewellery.

"CHEEEEEEEAT!" CheatCheat squealed, rubbing his fur together to create a massive surge of sinus allergies.

"Ylang ylang." Pan Pan muttered, nonchalantly throwing a rice ball at Trogdor.

The resulting explosion shook the entire arena, but it only succeeded in throwing Trogdor off his stride. "WHAT?!" StinkoMan exclaimed. "Our combined powers have not destroyed him?! This makes less sense than the last three chapters of Akira!"

Meanwhile, Coach Z, stout-hearted type that he is, picked a fight with what looked like an easy mark – the puppet.

"Well, if it isn't Coach Z." the puppet sneered. "Weady to wumble, old-timer?"

"I hate ta do this to a guy who looks so much like Homestar, but ya leave me no choice." Coach Z replied, whipping out a microphone of his own. "I can lay down some fresh beats on the mike myself, don't ya know."

"Bwing it on!" the puppet challenged.

"Okay. Fer my first number, here's an old fave I likes ta call – These Peoples Try to Fade Me!" Coach Z declared. "Ah one and a two and a..."

It was then that the puppet sprung his trap. "Twopical laser beams! Laser beams of love! Twopical lima beans! When you're away it's like a void..."

By this point Coach Z had dropped his microphone and was curled on the ground in a trembling ball, yanking his hat over his head in a vain attempt to drown out the lethally crappy music. "MAKE IT STAERP! MAKE IT STAERP!" he screamed. "I'm losin' brain cells here and don't have many to spare!"

Seeing Coach Z's plight, Limozeen, who at this point didn't have much to do, raced to the rescue. "STEP OFF, SOCK BOY!" Larry screamed. "WHY DON'T YOU PICK ON SOMEBODY YOUR OWN SIZE?"

"Like you, shorty?" the puppet taunted as Marry and Perry helped drag Coach Z away from the conflict. "Well, well. If it isn't Limozeen, the gweat washed-up guys of '87. I'm gonna enjoy this."

"We're not washed-up, dude." Gary countered. "We're Limozeen! We never die, we never wash."

"Oh yeah, that's a good one." The puppet scoffed. "Get with it, you guys. They Might Be Giants is the hot sound of today! You guys are just yesterday's garbage!"

"Oh yeah?" Marry fumed. "We'll just see about that."

"Nice generic tough-guy retort, dude." Perry whispered.

"Thanks." Marry replied.

"All wight, ladies. Let's get this thing going!" the puppet challenged. The music started again. "Wemember to take your vitamins, put them in that plastic thing with the date on them..."

The assembled rockers grimaced in profound pain. "Come on, guys!" Gary yelled, strumming a few warm-up chords. "Let's hit this polyester poser with the POWER OF ROCK!!!"

"Five, six, seven, four!" Perry counted off.

Limozeen hadn't lost their touch. Their music exploded through the air like a hurricane of rock and roll. Larry whipped out his mike and belted out the lyrics to one of their old favourites: "Because It's Midnite." They had felt that "Box" was more artistically pleasing, but they couldn't deny the appeal of their first Top 40 hit.

When the music died the puppet seemed taken aback. He crinkled his face in hatred. "All wight, you guys. You wanna play wough, huh?"

"I don't get it." Marry gasped. "We hit him with our best shot, and he hardly was fazed!"

"C'MON, GUYS!" Larry yelled. "LET'S HIT HIM WITH... SONG #13!"

The rest of the band gasped in horror. "Larry, you know we can't do that, dude." Gary cautioned. "We made a pact to never perform that one again."

"There's such thing as too much rock n' roll, even for us." Perry added.

"And you remember what happened... to Jerry and Barry." Marry mentioned, solemnly.

The puppet took this opportunity to attack. "I'm tellin' bad jokes now, the ones you've heard a million times, the kind of jokes that little kids tell ya... Why was I stapled to the chicken?"

The band members groaned and covered their ears as the musical torture racked their brains. "Guys," Gary said with finality. "I don't think we have a choice. Let's hang this sock out to dry."

"For all the great rockers who finished the journey!" Perry added.

"Uh... what journey?" Marry asked.

"They died." Perry explained.

"Oh, right. That journey." Marry replied.

"LET'S ROCK AND ROLL!!!" Larry howled, and the song began.

The performance was like nothing that was ever heard before or will ever be heard again. The song was so incredibly rocking that it'd give you seizures if I tried to describe it. All of the band members were on top of their game. Perry's percussion was like rolling thunder, Marry's bass shaking the ground like an earthquake, and Gary's guitar solo sounding like... uh, a really good guitar solo. Larry in particular threw himself into the performance, radiating passion and intensity as though he was plugged into a power source. The area was so immersed with such pure rock n' roll that all of the other battles – even with Trogdor – were forced to halt as the music shook the entire arena.

Finally the final spine-tingling note rang out. The puppet let out a small squeak and flopped limply to the ground.

"We did it!" Gary panted. "We 'Zeened him but good! Good job, Larry." There was no response. "Larry?" the band looked and saw Larry sprawled facedown on the floor, the mike rolled out of his limp hand. "Oh, no! Larry!" he gasped as he rushed up to his fallen bandmate.

"I knew it." Marry sighed. "Poor guy rocked himself to death."

"Gone up to that big tour bus in the sky." Perry sniffled.

"Larry! Speak to me!" Gary pleaded, crouched over the singer's form. "Say something, man!"

Suddenly Larry jumped to his feet. "WE ARE LIMOZEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!" he screamed, his voice echoing.

"That's our Larry!" the rest of the band smiled, high-fiving each other with their unwavering camaraderie.

"Well, guys, looks like we taught that puppet a lesson." Gary smiled. "Music is a powerful tool, and not to be..."

The lecture was interrupted when a large section of the arena a few feet away from them exploded. The rockers turned and saw Blue Laser shrieking at his tank operators. "YOU IDIOTS! YOU COULDN'T EVEN HIT THOSE UGLY WOMEN FROM 20 FEET AWAY!!! WHAT AM I PAYING YOU FOR?"

"Well, uh, you're not paying us anything, sir." A henchman snivelled.

"WELL, I'LL PAY YOU EVEN LESS IF YOU DON'T OPEN YOUR EYES!" Blue Laser screamed.

"MAN, THAT GUY HAS AN ANNOYING VOICE!" Larry commented. His bandmates were giving him funny looks. "WHAT?!" he asked.

"Guys, I think we need to help these people." Perry commented, even as Thy Dungeonman jumped out of nowhere and began slapping Blue Laser across the face with his loofah.

"But how?" Marry asked. "We can't fight! Remember what happened when we had scheduling conflicts with Taranchula? I'm still limping from that."

"Maybe." Gary said. "But every army needs..." he strummed his guitar for emphasis. "an anthem!"

"C'MON, GUYS!" Larry yelled. "WE'RE GONNA ROCK THESE GUYS TO VICTORY!" and so the band began to play once more, this time to rally their allies and boost their morale.

Not that it was doing much good for the Cheat Commandos, who were still locked in grim combat with the Robot, who was effortlessly shrugging off their best attacks and laying down a constant volley of laser fire. "Ha!" Ripberger yelled, doing an effortless flip towards the steel behemoth. "Silent as a cobra, four times as stealthy, and ten times as deadly!" he declared, tossing a throwing star at the Robot. It bounced off the fortified metal with a pitiful clink.

"It isn't even dented? Oh, $#$#! What are we gonna do now?" Fightgar exclaimed.

"Watch your mouth, Fightgar!" Gunhaver scolded. "This is a kid's show!"

"So how come we solve all of our problems with violence?" Reynold asked, but nobody responded.

Firebert boldly pulled out a detonator and pushed down on the plunger, but it was of no use. Probably because there was no dynamite actually wired to the detonator. Another blast from the Robot sent the Commandos scattering, leaving Gunhaver alone.

"Y'know, it's kind of a funny thing." Gunhaver said as computer-guided crosshairs locked onto him. "I do have a gun, you know, but right now it's at the... uh, monogramming shop or something..."

ZAP! The Robot's beams struck the ground with deadly accuracy. However, Gunhaver was no longer standing there.

"...but I can still haver!" Gunhaver finished, running for it. Nonplussed, the Robot began to scan for his next target. He found a large grey humanoid mass who was currently lying prone on the ground, his hands clasped behind his head.

Strong Sad looked up and saw the Robot bearing down on him. "Oh, great." He whined. "Of all the days to _not_ be ignored..."

He scooted back away from the incoming android, only to end up with his back against cold stone. "Oh, this is wonderful." Strong Sad sighed. "Sticking to the perimeter was such a good idea."

The Robot locked onto the target.

Strong Sad racked his brains. How do you deal with a robot?

"Uh, everything I say is a lie?" he tried.

The Robot armed his laser cannons.

"Um, I'm not the target you're looking for?" Strong Sad tried again.

The Robot began his internal countdown.

"So this is how it ends." Strong Sad sighed. "I live in pain, and I die in pain. I guess it's what I deserve. It's not like anybody will miss me. My only regret is that it didn't happen soon enough. It's so terribly depressing."

A single tear rolled down the Robot's cheek and into its internal circuit board. As can be expected, he suddenly shuddered and teetered as powerful electricity roared across his body, shorting down his functions one by one. Finally unable to maintain equilibrium, the Robot crashed to the ground, one final message squawking from his voice box. "I'm Kilrooooooyyyyy..."

"Oi! Look!" Fightgar shouted. "That 'ippopotamus beat that junk pile!"

"That's my boy, Strong Sad." Coach Z commended, helping the depressed fellow to his feet. "You tricked him into depressing himself ta death, just like in that book."

"Book? What trick?" Strong Sad asked. "I was just being honest!"

"Eh, if you say so, Strong Sad." Coach Z shrugged.

"This is pointless!" Strong Bad yelled, dodging another volley of stock-footage blasts from Blue Laser's snipers. "It doesn't matter who wins the fight if we don't find Eh! Steve!"

"Well, where is he?" Homestar asked, sending an Ungurait flying with field-goal kick. "You'd think we'd have bumped into him by now."

"Come on, Homestar." Strong Bad scoffed. "If the Deke knew that Eh! Steve was the only thing that could stop him, he wouldn't bring him..." he paused as his train of thought came together. "That's it! Eh! Steve's universe must be the only one still intact, or otherwise he'd have ended up here! And since this is where all the worlds come together, there must be a portal leading there somewhere around here!"

"Well, it's not awound here." Homestar said. "Those things are pwetty easy to see."

"I've got an idea." Strong Bad declared. "Hey Pom Pom!" he yelled. Pom Pom, who had just beaten the snot out of a Blue Laser hand-to-hand expert, bounded over.

"Gimme a boost, man." Strong Bad ordered, making a running jump. "Habbada HUP!" He bounced off of Pom Pom's belly and shot into the air. On the other side of the arena, he could clearly see a flash of purple. "I found it!" he yelled as he came down, Pom Pom carefully catching him. "Come on, you guys! We have to get over there!"

The trio cautiously made their way through the melee, dodging and countering attacks all the way. Finally they reached the other side. "Okay!" Homestar announced. "Let's jump thwough that portal and find Eh! Steve!"

"One second, man." Strong Bad warned, grabbing Homestar's shirt to keep him from going too far. "You're a good idea-man, but your follow-through is substandard at best. Aren't you forgetting one large, green thing?"

Strong Bad was right. This was the segment dominated by Trogdor, who was currently locked in combat with an airborne StinkoMan. "YA-HAH!" StinkoMan yelled as he connected a solid punch to the beast's jaw. "Fighting a dragon will increase my experience points by at least a thousand!"

Unimpressed, the dragon unleashed a burst of flame that hit StinkoMan sidelong, sending him to the ground. "WAAAAH!" StinkoMan screamed, his hair aflame. "My blue hair! My source of power!!!"

Squirt! Suddenly StinkoMan's coiffure was extinguished, thanks to the Homestar Runner, who had calmly taken a sip of discount milk and belched it onto the warrior's head. "Wow! Thank you SO much, greyman!" StinkoMan sighed. "For a minute there I thought that I was about to be killed! Or maybe even demolished!"

"T'weren't nothin'." The Homestar Runner shrugged. "That reptile's one tough sourdough cookie."

"You said it, gramps." Strong Bad agreed. "It's more or less indestructible."

"How are we gonna get awound it?" Homestar asked.

"It's worse than that, man." Strong Bad added. "Even if we did, the Deke would probably make him follow us. That wouldn't be good at all."

"This cannot be good!" StinkoMan piped up. "I think it would take the many combined strength of the all of us to even hold it down!"

"And how the crap could we possibly do that?" Strong Bad grieved. "How could we get everybody in on this at once?"

"I could help." Silent Rip suggested. "I've been wanting to use this microphone on my helmet since the day I got it. I could tell everybody what's going on."

"How could you tell everybody with your microphone if nobody else has headphones?" Strong Bad asked. Silent Rip scratched his helmet and shrugged. "Oh, never mind. Just do it, man." Strong Bad finally conceded.

Strong Bad smiled as Silent Rip relayed the message to everybody, but his attention was jerked back to the situation at hand with Homestar's cry. "Stwong Bad, look!"

Trogdor had recovered from his bruised jaw and had backed his latest prey again the wall. And the prey was Marzipan.

"You're being a very bad dragon!" Marzipan scolded, despite her terror. "Obviously nobody bothered to raise you properly. I'll bet you don't even know how to use a fork!"

"I gotta help her!" Homestar shouted, but Strong Bad firmly held him back.

"Don't be a martyr, man." Strong Bad reasoned. "You'd get barbecued as soon as you get within ten feet of her!"

"But Stwong Bad, she's my girlfwiend!" Homestar insisted, his voice breaking. "Saving her fwom dwagons is like my job!"

"And running headfirst into fiery infernos won't do you or her any good, man!" Strong Bad reasoned, trying to resolve his own warring emotions.

"But... but I can't just leave her like this." Homestar insisted, softly. Trogdor leaned his massive head to within inches of Marzipan's body, cavernous nostrils ravenously inhaling her delicate scent.

Strong Bad glanced to the side and saw that Limozeen was still playing on the sidelines. "You won't have to, man." He said, thoughtfully. Suddenly he dashed forward and grabbed Gary's guitar. "Marzipan, catch!" he shouted, heaving the instrument at her.

Marzipan grabbed the guitar and stared at it. "This looks like a very angry musical instrument." She complained.

"Just play it!" Strong Bad yelled.

Marzipan hesitated for a moment, and then softly began strumming on the strings. Trogdor reared back at the sound, slightly surprised. Marzipan's gentle voice made him hesitate even more.

"_And when I look at the sky,_

_That is when I_

_Feel the clouds smiling back at me_..."

The dragon seemed torn between his desire to destroy and his longing to hear more of this beautiful sound. "I knew there was a weason I'm her boyfwiend." Homestar said to herself.

"Okay, everybody's ready to go." Silent Rip reported. "All you have to do is give the word."

"Thanks, man." Strong Bad replied. "I appreciate this."

"Hey!" Silent Rip shrugged. "Gunhaver always says that nobody lives forever."

Strong Bad looked back at the dragon, and saw that Trogdor was now effectively immobilized by Marzipan's song. "Let's do it, man!" he barked at Silent Rip.

"NOW!" Silent Rip shouted. As one, all of the many characters abandoned their fights with the remaining Unguraits and Blue Laser soldiers and attacked the dragon en masse. So distracted was Trogdor that the assault took him completely off-guard. He fell to the floor with a thunderous crash, flailing furiously against his restraints. He inhaled sharply.

"Look out!" Strong Bad yelled. The characters vacated the area near Trogdor's mouth and jostled him so the burnination instead blew right into the Unguraits, who were running to join the conflict. The creatures screamed as they fled, their robes on fire.

Trogdor thrashed again, and the characters this time manoeuvred him so his beefy arm made a direct hit with the Blue Laser tank, sending it flying out of the arena. "I HATE THAT FROG SO VERY MUCH!!!" The Blue Laser commander screamed.

Homestar and Strong Bad saw their chance. They bolted past the downed dragon, towards the portal. "Go go go!" StinkoMan shouted. "We will make sure it does not follow you!"

"But Marzipan..." Homestar hesitated.

"I'll be fine!" Marzipan insisted, still tempering the dragon's rage with her music. "Just go!"

"GO!" Strong Mad shouted, holding the dragon's powerful jaws together, as The Cheat held the beast's eyes shut.

This time there was no hesitation. Homestar and Strong Bad jumped through the portal and disappeared, leaving their friends and allies to grapple with the savage monster. Little did they know that they were followed...

_Plunk-plunk plunk-plunk plunk plunk-plunk-plunk_

_Plunk-plunk plunk-plunk plunk plunk-plunk-plunk_

_FREE-RANGE FEVER AND THE NOT-THERE HAIR_

A rather weak flash heralded Homestar and Strong Bad's arrival to the odd universe of Sweet Cuppin' Cakes. The portal crackled and buzzed unsteadily as it winked in and out. Otherwise the scene was eerily still, the two-tone sky unchanging, the tiled floor seeming to go on forever.

"It's weal quiet, Stwong Bad." Homestar commented, warily.

"And it's gonna be quiet for good if we don't find Eh! Steve." Strong Bad added.

"I'm the last train back to Palomino!" A voice hollered.

"Aaaugh!" the dynamic duo yelped, Homestar jumping up into Strong Bad's arms. The two spun around and saw Homsar teetering cluelessy behind them.

"What the crap are you doing here, man?" Strong Bad angrily demanded. "You tryin' to give me a heart attack or something?"

"Bring me the head of Slippery Jim!" Homsar drawled in response.

"Whatever." Strong Bad growled, dumping Homestar unceremoniously to the ground with a crash. "Let's go find Eh! Steve before it's too late."

The trio made their way towards the only noticeable figures on the horizon – a shapeless, hovering blue blob and a tiny worm sticking out of the ground. The worm chattered meaninglessly to itself as it wiggled back and forth. The Cowcopter stared in what was either rapt attention or a coma.

"Push up, pull down." The Worm cooed. "Up and down and up again!"

"Uh, look, guys." Strong Bad interrupted as he approached. "I hate to break up this hilarious comedy, or... drama or whatever this is supposed to be, but we really need to find Eh! Steve. Do you know where he is?"

"Rvrvrvvrrvvvrvrvrvrrr?" The Cowcopter asked.

"Eh! Steve!" Strong Bad repeated. "Have you seen him?"

"Rvvrrvrr. Hrrrvrrvvvrvvrrrvv." The Cowcopter murmured.

"You don't speak English, do you?" Strong Bad sighed.

"Up and up and up and up!" The Worm strained at it stretched itself out of the hole as hard as it could go. The Cowcopter suddenly became voraciously interested.

"And waaaaaay down!" The Worm squeaked, disappearing back into the hole. The Cowcopter stuck his head in the hole, trying to get a bite at the retreating annelid. However, it was then that the hole somehow turned itself into the barrel of a cannon, which blasted the hovering beast into the stratosphere.

"Okay, I'm not the smartest guy in the world, but sewiously, that didn't make any sense." Homestar declared. He then turned to Strong Bad and gasped. "Hey Stwong Bad, how come there's two of you? And what happened to one of your heads?"

"What? Huh...?" Strong Bad asked, turning to see his keyboard-headed doppelganger standing beside him. "Oh, it's you. What's up, man? Have you seen Eh! Steve?"

The KeyboardHead Strong Bad made no response, except to play "Safety Dance" on his head. At his feet, Ready For Primetime did a very small dance indeed.

"Wow." Homestar commented. "I oughta invite those guys to my next dance party!"

"Homestar, don't you get it?" Strong Bad growled. "If we don't find Eh! Steve right now, there's not gonna be any more dance parties!"

"You mean the Deke hates those too?" Homestar gasped. "The cweep! Let's find Eh! Steve pwonto!"

"You kadiddle-hoppin' outlanders lookin' to find Eh! Steve?" rasped a gravelly voice in a deep South drawl. All turned and saw a badly drawn Wheelchair scooting towards them. "I've got a bone t' pick with that dirt-bred claim-jumper myself!" it exclaimed.

"Look, Stwong Bad!" Homestar gasped. "Bubs has wealized his lifelong dweam of having wheels! But they have come at a tewwible pwice..."

A well-aimed boxing glove to the jaw ended Homestar's monologue before it could get any dumber. "Have you seen him?" Strong Bad asked the Wheelchair.

"Not recently." The Wheelchair barked. "But if that turn-coatin' owlhoot ever shows his lily-livered face around here again, I'll send him to his doooooooom!"

"You don't get it, Ironsides." Strong Bad insisted. "If we don't find him quickly, we're all gonna be doomed. You, me, everybody. This universe is ready to collapse as it is!"

"Eh, I don't give a flyin' ladybird about collapsin' universes and all that hoo-ha." The Wheelchair growled. "I'm gonna dance on Eh! Steve's grave tonight, and there's nothin' he can doooooo!" he roared, speeding off to the distance.

"I don't believe this." Strong Bad sighed.

"I know what you mean, man. A dancing wheelchair? That's something I gotta see!" Homestar exclaimed.

"Homestar!" Strong Bad yelled, grabbing the athlete by the collar. "Can't you be serious for just a minute?"

Homestar opened his mouth to say something doubtlessly ignorant and hilarious, but he was interrupted by a sudden rattling noise. Both turned and saw that one of the floor tiles was jiggling furiously, as though there was something inside trying to break free. There was a sudden POP, and then Eh! Steve stood before them in all his trapezoidal glory.

Strong Bad released Homestar's collar and rubbed his own forehead. He should have known. Eh! Steve always shows up when you least expect him, and this most recent discussion was the only one that didn't involve him. Strong Bad quickly approached the unblinking creature. "Okay, man. We're running out of time! Do whatever it is you do and save the universe!"

Eh! Steve did absolutely nothing. He simply stood and stared at Strong Bad. Strong Bad cleared his throat and tried again. "Look, man. The Deke says this place is ready to blow! Just look at..." he gestured towards the portal but was immediately silenced when it crossed his line of sight. "Oh, holy crap..."

The portal, now taxed beyond its limits, sputtered, heaved, and then split clean open. The main universe beyond it – the battle arena – had collapsed under its own strain and imploded, all mass contained within drawn to a single infinitesimal point, the equivalent of a supernova in reverse. The resulting vacuum had caused the now burnt-out portal to suck in any mass to feed it, and this small universe was all that there was left. Floor tiles were torn from the ground, stars were yanked from the sky, all rushing inexorably towards the howling, spiralling eddy.

"You're too late, you fools!" the Deke's voice permeated all. "You're dead! You're all dead!"

Strong Bad was barely able to fall back, avoiding being whisked away with the ground beneath him. Suddenly he, Homestar, Homsar and the local creatures, including a now-restored Cowcopter and a returned Wheelchair, were trapped on a small island of solid ground, which even now was crumbling away. Not only was the Deke cruel, but sadistic as well, it seemed.

"Eh! Steve!" Strong Bad shouted over the roar of the incredible force. "Just do your freakin' thing, man!" But Eh! Steve still did nothing, standing still and silent as stone. The rest of the Sweet Cuppin' Cakes crew were also silent, calmly regarding the collapse as though it were nothing. Did they not comprehend what was happening? Did they even care? Unspeakable anger and frustration tore at Strong Bad. Not only was their only chance for survival refusing to co-operate, but now that the initial shock had worn off, he realized that everybody they had left behind in that universe was now...

No. He wouldn't even think about it. If he thought about it, it would crush him, and the Deke would have won. He couldn't give up, no matter what the loss. No matter what. He snapped back to reality just in time to see Homestar lose his footing and tumble towards the void. In a sudden flash Strong Bad lunged forward, barely grabbing Homestar's leg. He slowly and cautiously pulled him back to temporary safety. Maybe they would all be dead in a matter of seconds, but Strong Bad wasn't going to let the Deke have that satisfaction until the very end.

It was then that Homsar, who had been obediently quiet through all of this, chose to speak. "Dya-a-a-a-ah! My nose ain't a man no more!"

Strong Bad wanted to yell at Homsar to shut up, but any such protest died when he noticed that Eh! Steve had a gleam of curious familiarity in his eye. Almost as though... he had found a kindred spirit?

"Stwong Bad, look!" Homestar gasped. Eh! Steve had raised his stick-like arms, and his mouth slowly detached itself from the rest of his body. It rose high into the wind-battered sky, shining like a star. There was an odd feeling of serenity among all present as they watched the spectacle, transfixed. The roar of the abyss and the Deke's deranged laughs of triumph suddenly seemed muted. Violent tremors shook Strong Bad to the ground, inches from slipping away, but still he somehow had the strength to watch.

And then it happened. The mouth exploded into a brilliant flash of pure white light, and the words "EH! STEVE!" echoed across the cosmos.

"LET IT BE!" the Worm squeaked. Strong Bad vaguely thought he had heard the Deke scream, and then everything went white, and then black...

--

_Thank you, Strong Bad._

"Mmmmph... Crazy Castle, Kickle Cubicle, Balloon Fighter..." Strong Bad opened his eyes, fighting off the incredible glare. "Uh... Ice Climber, Bokasuka Wars..." finally he sat up and rubbed his eyes. Looking around, he saw that he was sitting in a meadow in Free Country USA. The grass was green, the sun was warm, the sky was blue and that unidentifiable bird was singing. And Homestar was sitting next to him.

"Hey, Stwong Bad! Keeping wegular?" Homestar asked, cheerily.

"Oh, hi, Homestar." Strong Bad grumbled, massaging his sinuses. "What happened?"

"I dunno." Homestar shrugged. "I just woke up and found all of us lying here. Were we having a slumber party?"

Strong Bad looked and saw Bubs, Coach Z, The Cheat, Marzipan, Pom Pom, Strong Mad, Strong Sad, the King of Town, the Poopsmith and Homsar also sitting around, looking groggy.

"Hoo-eee!" Coach Z moaned, holding his head. "I think I'd better switch my perscriptions. I'm totally trippin', yo."

"As much as I enjoy communing with the grass, how did we get here, exactly?" Marzipan asked.

"I'm not entirely sure." The King mused. "The last thing I remember is eating glazed pike in my dining hall."

Pom Pom looked at his cell phone and bubbled that it was now three hours after the last time he had any recollection.

"Time does fly when you're having fun, doesn't it?" Homestar asked.

"So, uh, does anybody else find it creepy that we're all sitting in a field with a three-hour gap in our memories?" Strong Sad asked.

Everybody mused for a moment. "Naaaahhh." They chorused in unison.

"Oh, well." Bubs shrugged. "Come on over to my shop, everybody. Snow cones are on me!"

"Say they're on Homestar and you have a deal!" Strong Bad replied.

And so the little group left, Bubs leading the way, Coach Z making a mental list of his over-the-counter supplements, Homestar chatting up Marzipan, Strong Mad hoisting The Cheat onto his shoulders, the King insisting that he get served first, Strong Bad talking with Pom Pom, and the Poopsmith tagging along for the heck of it. Strong Sad hesitated a moment, trying to make sense of it all, but then decided that knowing the truth would probably just depress him further anyway. He slowly shuffled after the rest of the group, Homsar merrily bobbling after him.

Elsewhere, a stalwart group of heroes fought a stalwart group of villains somewhere in the deep past, their morals as black-and-white as their coloration. In a more colourful world, one blue-haired individual continued his never-ending quest to be the greatest, a group of bizarre but loyal companions behind him. Elsewhere still, a group of confused adolescents struggled to succeed in a world that was singularly hostile against them. There was the resolute group of musicians who were determined to rock until they died. And the world where an elite fighting force was locked in eternal war with an evil organization, although neither knew why. There was a medieval world constantly ravaged by a dragon with an implacable appetite for destruction. And a world of silicon and electricity where nothing was the same for long. None of these worlds were aware of the others, nor of the fate they had narrowly avoided.

None of them harboured any memory of the ordeal. They had witnessed the destruction of their worlds and the end of existence, and to force them to live with that knowledge would have been too cruel. All of them had been relieved of their recollections of the ordeal. All but one.

Senor Cardgage sat alone in his bushes. Although the air was warm, he shuddered and hugged his knees tightly against himself, trying to see anything past his fogged glasses. "All of it, Saratina." He slurred to himself through his tightened throat. "All of it went up. Excertainly so. It all did. It all did... seein' cadavers, yes I do..."

Hey, all those traumatic memories had to go somewhere.

Eh! Steve watched the sky with what could almost be interpreted as a slight smile. He knew that his ability to make the universe explode would come in handy someday. He had counteracted and reversed the Deke's sabotage, removing not only the destruction from the Deke's doings, but the Deke himself. He was now the sole resident of a void of his very own, his powers ineffective, his shouted invective against Strong Bad only echoing back at him. His evil would not threaten the multiverse again. Eh! Steve knew that nobody was aware of the debt they owed him, but he hardly cared. He had fulfilled the task appointed to him, and he would always be watching. Always watching.

The sound of the Wheelchair's squealing tires stirred Eh! Steve back to reality. Eh! Steve smirked and returned to the chase. Back to business as usual.

THE END

**Epilogue: Somewhere in Georgia**

In a small residence in an undisclosed location, there sat a somewhat disorderly room full of miscellany. Posters, toys, sheet music, computer terminals, microphones, keyboards, guitars, scribbled notes, programmers' manuals. And lying next to a blinking computer terminal sat a small puppet in the likeness of Homestar Runner. On the puppet's lifeless face, a sinister grin began to form.

_The colour of infinity inside an empty glass..._


End file.
